You know your life is changing when you get all excited about a Fuzzibunz cloth diaper sale on Zulily, like I did this morning (and bought 6 of them!). Even the fact that I know what Zulily is and have a membership is a sign that my life is changing. Oy.
I've always wanted to be a mother... I've loved babies and children since I was one myself. I've never been enamored about pregnancy though - I would have been quite happy if someone just dropped a newborn in my lap (kind of like the stork story we tell children). Truthfully, though, this pregnancy hasn't been so bad thus far. I've been blessed with an easy one. I hardly got any morning sickness, just felt a little queasy on and off through the first few weeks. The second trimester has been picture perfect, with the few usual aches and pains here and there. Baby boy is growing healthily and I've gained around 3 or 4 pounds so far at 20 weeks. Halfway there! The baby bump is getting more and more noticeable.
I think the best part about pregnancy so far is feeling baby boy move around inside me. I started feeling little flutters at 14.5 weeks, and they've been getting stronger ever since. These days it feels like he hardly ever stops moving, flipping, kicking and jabbing. Before I was pregnant I thought it would be really weird to have a baby moving around inside me, like a little alien or something. But now that it's happened to me, I can hardly remember why I thought it would be weird. It is kind of a funny feeling to be kicked from the inside, but it just feels right and normal and reassuring instead of weird. It's fun to wonder if that was an arm or a leg or a head or a little butt poking me. I feel like baby and I can sort of communicate now. If I hunch over when I'm sitting, he protests the lack of space and kicks and wriggles until I straighten up. If I poke my belly I usually get a reaction from him. When I lie down he gets active, and when I get up and walk around he calms down.
It's hard to imagine another whole 20 weeks of pregnancy until baby boy is born. I realize he needs to grow and mature more but I kind of wish the human gestational period was shorter. I want to meet this little fellow! I know I'm supposed to slow down and enjoy these last couple of months without a baby to take care of, but it's hard not to be a little impatient. It's also hard to comprehend how much larger my belly is going to get to accommodate baby boy - yikes.
I haven't thought too much about labor and delivery yet, except to research and choose to have a natural birth at a birthing center with Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM). It's been the best decision I've made yet this pregnancy. [If you haven't watched the documentary "The Business of Being Born" you should do so! It's online streaming on Netflix]. I did like my OB-GYN, but I felt like I never knew what was going on and I was never told what the various blood tests etc. that they did were actually for. I didn't feel comfortable to ask all the questions I wanted to ask. I also strongly dislike hospitals... I used to have panic attacks when I was little whenever I had to go into a hospital. I knew that if I went into labor and went to a hospital, my body would shut down and labor wouldn't progress properly because I would be so uncomfortable with being in a hospital. So I did some research and found a lovely birthing center (which is very close to Baylor hospital in case of emergencies) and transferred my prenatal care to the CNM's there. The center is in a big lovely old colonial-style house, infinitely more comfortable and welcoming than a hospital. The CNM's are personable and truly interested in answering all of my questions and making sure that baby and I get the best care possible.
We've signed up for Bradley method childbirth classes (which prepare you for natural childbirth without drugs) with an experienced doula, who is apparently the best in Dallas. They start on October 29th, so then I'll really have to start thinking about labor and delivery. For now I'm enjoying being blissfully ignorant, and just thinking positive thoughts like "My labor and delivery is going to be smooth and fast and the pain will be manageable and totally worth it in the end". Haha.